(John Taylor) 

So, I went to see my doctor the other day, I said, 'doc, I think my wife's dead. He said 'well why do think that ?' I said 'well the sec is the same but the dishes keep pulling up'.

I got home from work one day last week. I went into the bedroom and my wife's in bed with my best friend. I said 'Steve, I have to sleep with her but you ?'

My wife is so ugly even the tide wouldn't take her out.